4,000 Eyes
Being Perceived Makes Me Uneasy
While walking two weeks ago, I stumbled upon someone who had a table propped up on the side of the walkway with a sign dangling from the edge. I walked over to the other side to take a look at what it was about, to my surprise it was one of those social media interview setups. I’d always thought it’d be cool to be in one of the videos that end up on social media, so not thinking much of it, I went ahead and answered the questions.
Today, my friend sent me a screenshot my video that ended up being posted. As I’m looking at what people have to say, out the corner of my eye I see the video has amassed 4.5k views. Instantly, in the sanctity of my home, an immense wave of self-consciousness rushes over me. It was nothing to do with insecurity, but rather the sheer volume of people that had now perceived me. It’s strange to think over four thousand people had their eyes on me, and formed some type of opinion in their head.
It’s easy to say “oh don’t care about what people think” but a majority of people who say that haven’t really been exposed to this type of exposure. This isn’t to say that 4,000 views makes me a celebrity all of a sudden; but there is a difference between not caring about someone in real life versus someone online (which is what I’ve realized only now). Proceeding that thought, the next question in my head was whether or not I’d really want to pursue some endeavors that come with a following.
If being featured on someone else’s page with 4.5k views makes me feel this uneasy, I can’t imagine what any more views would do to me on my own page! Dealing with being perceived is something I’ve been sparring with alone, I can’t imagine being thrown straight into the ring with all those eyes watching! Still, I tell myself one thing:
4,000 eyes, and not a single pair affects what I do
-Pardan